EAR

What is E.A.R.? Well it stands for Emerging Adult Rape. Emerging Adulthood is the period between 18-24. So, E.A.R., is when someone is coerced into a sexual relationship with someone who is not their peer. It is different from statutory rape. Statutory rape is when a person above the age of consent coerces a person under the age of consent into a sexual relationship. In some states, the age of consent can be as low as 14. Some states have laws that are so ridiculous that a 19 can get in trouble for having sex with a 17 year old, yet a 57 year old man can do an 18 year old with no problem. The example I just gave (57 year old with an 18 year old) is an example of EAR. I coined this phrase after seeing middle aged and older men try to pick up college girls. But yet, if the shoe were on the other foot and they were young and fresh, they wouldn’t be caught dead with someone that old. A middle aged or older person has no business with someone in the 18-24 year old age bracket even if they are legally "adults". I believe we all have moral compasses within us and something about that just screams "wrong" to me. The perpetrator is overwhelmingly male so that’s what this is going to be written in reference to, but I am not going to be prejudiced and say that it is always perpetrated by an old male. Even though society says the relationship is between "consenting adults", there has to be an element of coercion involved to get someone to go that far with someone who is not their equal. People–usually the woman–get burned in relationships all of the time. Why make the playing field even more unequal than it already is?

1. The 18-24 age range is a time a profound psychological and social development. Studies have found that the human brain does not finish developing until the person is 24 years old. You need to be involved with your peers at this point. Sexual relationships are different that any other type and they should be based on equality. You and a person who’s in their 40s, 50s and beyond are not on the same level. Relationships can be hard enough when you’re dealing with someone who’s on the same page as you. You will not "win" an argument or any other form of manipulation with someone that much older than you. They have too much experience and they know how to "get over" because they’ve been playing the game for far longer.

2. An older man is usually attracted to the younger female for reasons of attractiveness and appearance. However, this is not what you should base a relationship on. There are many pretty women out there. If he is willing to throw what is appropriate out of the window when he sees a pretty woman, then who knows how many women he’s had or STDs he’s acquired? Yes, I know young men can be "players" as well, but quite frankly they haven’t had the time to play as long as the older man has.

3. It’s hypocritical and not all respectful of you. He’s giving himself rights that he is not giving you. Be real with yourself. You know if the shoe were on the other foot and he was the 20 year old hottie, he wouldn’t be caught dead with someone so much older than him. He would want someone as young and new as himself. The fact that he is not giving you the same rights that he wants is disrespectful of you.

4. If the relationship gets serious and you want kids by this man, keep in mind that your child could end up with genetic illnesses such as schizophrenia, Apert syndrome, certain cancers etc. that are passed on to children with older fathers. If you don’t believe me, do a Yahoo or a Google search with the terms "older fathers" and defects. Even if your child directly doesn’t get it, it is still in the genes and can "come out" in future generations. The first and one of the most important legacies a parent gives to the child is the genetic legacy because that is your foundation. You can’t build anything on faulty foundation. You can pay a genetically retarded child’s way into college, but it will do no good because that foundation is not there and he will not be able to benefit from all of the tutoring in the world. Also, if you have any problems with conceiving and need a little help, the older your partner is, the less chance you have of that help (having sex on the appropriate days in your cycle, IVF) actually giving you a child.

5. Many young women say that they are tired of immature guys and that’s why they date old men. But think about it. How mature could a guy truly be if he’s doing someone from another generation? Either he’s just attracted by the looks which is immature. Or, he’s interested in bearing children at this stage in his life which is somewhat immature because he’s still stuck at a period in his life that he should have moved on from. It’s the equivalent of a 19 year old playing in the McDonald’s play center. It’s also a bit stupid because he’s likely to be in a nursing home by the time they grow up. But no, men like this don’t look long term. All they want is what they want, sensibility be damned. The older men who are after you are the least mature of their generation. There are immature and mature people in every age group. If you want a fellow who is mature and yet still your peer, then leave the bars and clubs alone and try community service organizations and college for a mate.

6. Last but not least, relationships–especially sexual–should be based on equality.

1. It exploits small temporary differences between males and females. The tired girls mature faster than guys phrase may matter when it is middle school and the girls are taller than many boys. But when you become a young adult, it is not a big deal. The differences between males and females that we may noticed are simply because men and women are different...it hasn’t much to do with age.

2. It plays on the "consenting adults" excuse. They act as if once you hit the magic age of 18, anyone can do anything to you and it is okay. But certain things are just not okay or appropriate. A person who hits a 16 year old with a car is likely to get a harsher penalty than if he had hit a 21 year old even though they are both youths and a crime was committed in both cases. Society is pretty stupid...that’s all I can tell you on that one.

3. It promoted looks based dating. It tells men to pick up whatever you want as long as it’s hot. So what if she doesn’t share your religion, she’s hot! So what if she’s far too young for you, she’s hot! So what if she’s a psycho with three kids by three different men and she wants you to pay for her kids, she’s hot!

4. They encourage us to respect people simply for age not character. So, you may be brainwashed into letting these men get away with things that you wouldn’t let a younger man do. You may also be more lenient on them when what you should be is more blunt.

1. Studies show that younger females with older partners are at a greater risk for STDs

2. They are often ready for things that you aren’t ready for and will usually not hesitate to manipulate you to get what they want. Younger men can do this too, but they haven’t had as much time to hone their skills in this area.

3. They come from a different era than you and may harbor ideas from that era (such as standards for women) that you may not be comfortable with.

4. They are generally more set in their ways. As said before, they may harbor beliefs from the sexist era that they came from. They may demand the moon from you when it comes to appearances, but expect you just to "accept him for him".

5. From the news stories I’ve read and personal experiences of mine, they tend to be more possessive and violent if you want to end to relationship.

I am not saying that every case will end up like this, but you have to be careful especially being that women usually end up on the loser’s end when a relationship goes sour.

Know the game that these men play. It’s as simple as that. There are two types of cradle robbers. Type one has low ambitions and is stuck in the same place they were when they were young men. They’re work menial low paying jobs (such as restaurant, kitchen work, driving Medicaid cabs etc.) and still running after the same girls they were when they were 20. They never grow up and change. Type two is financially stable and he thinks that since he may give you things that a young man may not be able to, then he’s got a shot at you. Either type may naively believe that "age ain’t nothing but a number" or maybe he does know that it matters, but all he cares is what he wants–the pretty young trophy to impress his boys with.

It’s really pretty predictable. They won’t have all of these characteristics all of the time, but he’ll at least have some.

1. They’ll tell you that you look older than what you are as if that justifies things.

2. They’ll either ask you your age up-front or just never ask you your age pretending that if they don’t know then it doesn’t exist or matter. Guys your age rarely ask you your age first thing, but the EAR perpetrator often does. As long as you’re above the magic age of 18, then they’ll use that as an excuse to justify themselves.

3. They’ll tell you that you’re "nice looking" or "pretty" as if you didn’t know. Younger men usually don’t gush over your looks because they’re a bit shyer.

4. They’ll may put down men your own age for their alleged lack of money, morals or maturity.

5. They come off slower. They just don’t roll up to you and ask you for a number or a date on the first meet unless it is highly probably that you won’t see them again ever. They’ll move slower for some reason.

6. They usually try to get you alone. A guy your age usually won’t care if people in public see him talking to you because it’s normal. But an older man, will usually slyly leer at you from a distance and try to only talk their game when there is no one else around. I think it’s because they subconsciously know that what they’re doing is not okay.

7. They will try to get you away from family and friends at least at first. They don’t want to call the family phone, they’ll only want the cell phone. They don’t want to meet you at your dorm room or at your stepdad’s house, they want to meet you at your own place. A younger dude may balk at "meeting the folks" but he’ll usually cave in a lot quicker and not feel that uncomfortable because he’s not doing anything wrong.

8. He’ll try to make you older than what you are. Instead of introducing himself as your father’s old employee Mr. Rogers, he’ll introduce himself as Billy even though he’s old enough for social security. He’ll be like "how many years have you been working there....5? 10?" even if you just graduated from school and haven’t even had any "years" to work at that said company.

1. Try not to put yourself in situation where you have to be alone with him.

2. If he asks your age, tell him that it is none of his concern or that you don’t feel comfortable revealing it. If being frank is deemed disrespectful by society then so be it.

3. Keep it platonic. He usually won’t come out bluntly as a young man say he’s looking for a girlfriend or can he have a date. He’ll mention things more subtly such as "oh yes, that new Medea movie is coming out" or "do you go clubbing?" Give him an innocuous, platonic answer for each one. If he wants to play games, then so can you. I would respect them more if they’d just come out with their intentions and stop playing mind games.

4. Just beware. It’s best not to be nasty, especially if he could retaliate against you. But at the same time, you have to watch yourself around these vultures as a young lady.

5. Since he acts like a peer, then don’t hesitate to treat him like one.

6. Don’t expect too much advice and help from family and friends especially the society slaves.

7. Keep other people out of your business because society always sides with the elder be him or her right or wrong. If some old cow demands to know why you’re "talking to John using his first name when he’s old enough to be your father", tell her that it’s none of her concern and ignore her like this trash she is. You don’t owe them anything. If she tries to pull that "you all wouldn’t have any business if it weren’t for us", point out that we also wouldn’t need anything if we didn’t exist and that you don’t owe her anything.